SuperOmens - Serpent in a devil's trap

Another little Good omens fic for Lord-October :]
So, so, sorry of how long it took to put up. I had trouble with the ending and still am not completely happy with it but I figured I couldn't keep you waiting any longer.


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Crowley was not amused.
In fact; he was most royally pissed off. And even that was an understatement.
He was currently sitting in a dim lit, worn out motel room quite firmly tied to a very uncomfortable chair in the middle of a blessed devil’s trap.
But that wasn’t the worst of it. Oh, no. Far from it because right in front of him was a man sitting on a bed with a bucket full of freaking holy water!
The other man, a tall guy with hair that could challenge any girl’s, was currently tapping away on a computer although he spared a glance every ones in a while to look up at Crowley and the bucket guy.
How he had been caught Crowley wasn’t quite sure. He remembered coming over to America for a quick inspections of just how bad things were when it came to the current ‘demon problem’ the humans were apparently having. Hell had been working fine for a while after the apocalypse had been averted, again, but the few Fallen that were left from the originals, along with the dukes, were growing worried. Their cause of worry was the increase in souls that were going Upstairs but should have come Downstairs if they had been given more time. The problem was apparently caused by the growing number of former-human demons that seemed to think that killing humans was their job.
It was most vexing.
Crowley had been ordered to take a look and send a report Downstairs. That had not gone as planned.
Still couldn’t remember how he’d gotten into this though.
“Well then”
It was the bucket guy that broke Crowley out of his thoughts.
“We have some questions that need answering and we’d like it if you’d give us the answers without me needing to give you too many burns.” The guy continued gesturing to the bucket.
‘That would give me more than a few burns’ Crowley thought bitterly. He was glad his sunglasses were still sitting on his nose. Else the human would have seen clearly just how hard it was for him to keep his cool right at that moment.
“So what do you say?” bucket-guy continued “Gona talk or not?”
Crowley took a moment to gather his thoughts. “It depends on what you are asking.” He said then with some difficulty but he managed to make it sound calm.
Computer-guy chose that moment to stand up. “We need to know what you are planning.”
Crowley raised an eyebrow at that. “Planning?”
“Don’t act stupid” bucket-guy said “We know Hell’s got a plan for something and we want to know what the Hell it is? No pun intended.”
Crowley gave a long, annoyed sigh “You think Hell’s got something planned? Well guess what; you just snatched the only demon in creation that hasn’t a clue about what Hell’s business is. I mean really? It’s been ages since I’ve been down there. Literally.” He looked between them as the taller joined the other by the bed.
“Yeah, freaking, right.” Bucket-guy said “Like I said before; don’t play dump with us.”
A deep hiss was growing in Crowley’s chest. “I am not. I have no reason to ‘play dump’. I’m simply stating the truth. Only reason I’m even here in the bloody States is ‘cause Downstairs thought it would be a good idea to send a real demon to sssee what the hell the youngssstersss are up to! Sssseriouly? Jussst how low can they ssstand!”
Sam and Dean exchanged glances. Was the bastard actually hissing? What the fuck were they dealing with?
Suddenly Sam caught up on one of the things the demon had just said.
“’Real demon’?” he said in slight confusion.
The bound demon seemed to hesitate at that keeping its mouth in a firm line of indecision.
“Well?” said Dean impatiently lifting up the bucket of holy water. The demon’s paled and Dean started to wonder if they should just douse the bastard already to give him an idea of just what he was dealing with.
Crowley felt his skin crawl just from the bucket bloody being there. He really hoped he’d find a way out of this before they got too impatient.
He was ripped out of his thoughts when Bucket-guy got up. “You gona answer the question or not, mh?”
“Okey, okey!” Crowley hissed out as he heard the sound of the water moving about in the bucket. “Look; there are human-demons and then there are the ones that Fell with Lucifer, alright!”
The brother’s raised an eyebrow. Each for a different reasons though.
Sam was interested. There were actually demons around that were the ones that Fell when Lucifer did?
Dean on the other hand wasn’t buying it. “What difference does it make? Demons are demons. Fallen angels or not.” Although that last part stung him. Castiel wasn’t going to become a demon if he fell, right?
The demon seemed slightly amused through its supposed terror of the situation. “Well for one thing; I’m not wearing a bloody human.” He said with distaste. “That’s something the new crew seems not to be bothered by but really, even for a demon, taking a vessel is low.”
This did nothing to clear things up for the brothers. The fact that this demon never used to be human but an angel was one thing. A demon not needing a vessel was a whole other thing.
“So you’re telling us that you have your own body to control?” Sam asked “And that you followed Lucifer in the Fall?”
The demon shrugged. “This body is all mine, kiddo, and yes, I did follow Lucy down. Not my most glorious moments that but really, I just hung around the wrong crowd. But I guess you humans might very well still be prancing around in Eden in that animal state if I hadn’t.” He said the last part as an afterthought.
“What?” Sam said but then suddenly a thought came to his mind; Demons didn’t hiss. Snakes and serpents did.
He was about to ask when Dean cut in. “Anyway, that’s not what we were asking to know so let’s not get sidetracked, shall we?” he said. It was clear that he was getting quite irritated by this demon and that smug look.
He was, in fact, a bit more then irritated. Especially by the smug bastard’s sunglasses that he could still not understand how were still intact and sitting on the demon’s nose. He hadn’t really thought very far when he ripped the glasses off of the demon just then in one spontaneous movement.
The demon blinked, seemingly confused, and the brothers stared. The bastard had yellow eyes. For a moment both brother’s thought raced but then they calmed down a bit when they realized this guy had eyes more like that of a cat or “Serpant” Sam said staring.
Crowley raised an eyebrow. Had the kid figured him out or was it just a reaction from the way his eyes looked? Maybe it hadn’t been wise to mention that stuff about Eden.
None the less it was giving him the impression that he needed to get out or this was going to go badly. Really badly.
But how the heck was he going to get out? Sure, the ropes weren’t actually that much of a problem but even if the demon’s trap was made for human demon’s it would still hold him as long as it was intact.
“As I was saying” bucket guy said firmly then “let’s not get sidetracked. What’s Hell cooking up?”
Crowley sighed. “And like I said earlier; you got the wrong guy to ask that!”
The hunter got closer “Talk or it will be your Holy shower!” he said venomously, raising the bucket.
“I’ve already said; I.do.not.know.anything!” Crowley returned angrily before eyeing the bucket warily. He knew this was going to turn ugly any minute now and he needed out! He needed to get out!
The suddenly a thought struck down. He closed his eyes.
Aziraphale, you better bloody hear this ‘cause I’d really appreciate some help here, he prayed quickly despite how undignified it felt.
Dean was just about to empty the bucket on the demon’s head when........
....the door blew open.
“What the....?“ Dean barely managed before he spotted the man in the doorway. Or, well, man-shaped creature.
He looked like an English professor or something though, considering the fact that he had just kicked or exploded the door open, he looked more than slightly confused.
“Goodness, I didn’t mean to make it explode. Dreadfully sorry about that.” He said and now Dean’s jaw was nearing the floor. Just what the hell was going on now?
“Aziraphale” the demon croaked.
The guy looked up and his eyes widened. “Goodness.” He said as he spotted the demon, banged up and trapped. “Really, my dear. Just what in the world is going on?”
“That’s my fucking question!” Dean all but yelled at this ‘Aziraphale’ guy. He had lowered the bucket but was still ready to give the demon his promised ‘shower’ if needed.
Aziraphale looked between the brothers and the demon before suddenly he was standing next to Dean, holding onto the hunter’s arm to stop him from tipping the bucket over Crowley.
“Well, I’d appreciate if my dining partner not getting liquefied was what was going on. Really, I wasn’t aware that humans used holy water like this.”
Dean tried to get his arms lose but the guy was much stronger then he looked. He let go of the bucket and the guy let go of him to grab it, giving Dean a clear shot at the guy but before he managed it Aziraphale had already moved to a table on the other side of the room to put the bucket down. He then proceeded to put his hand into the water to remove the Rosario.
“Not a demon then.” Sam thought aloud.
“Most certainly not!” the guy said then sternly. The demon actually chuckled at that.
Eyeing the demon Dean asked “Then what the hell are you?”
Aziraphale eyed Crowley as well although in a questioning way. Who were the two hunters that were so bold as to catch a demon and apparently then interrogate said demon?
Crowley just shrugged. “Mind?” he then said and eyed the demon’s trap.
“Oh, of course.” Aziraphale said miracleing it away.
The brothers stared. Just what the hell was this guy?
“Hey!” Dean said “I asked you a question!”
The man looked at him. “I’m an angel, dear boy. “
That got both Sam and Dean attention. “And why the fuck would an angel safe a demon?”
“Well we have been enemies for 6.000 years. You can’t really blame us for getting used to each other’s presents as well as the fact that I do not see a good reason for your threads against Crowley.”
“Crowley?” Sam said confused.
“Yesssss” hissed the demon, sliding out of the ropes with remarkable agility. “Does it surprise you that I have a name?”
“That’s not....it.” Sam managed “You’re not....? We know another demon going by that name but...”
Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Someone’sss hijacked my name?”
He got closer to the brothers but Aziraphale grabbed a gentle hold of his arm, stopping him. He could see that the brothers were far from comfortable with Crowley out of the trap and, knowing humans, might resort to desperate measures.
“Depends on who had it first.” Dean said in a way that he hoped sounded mocking.
“Conssssidering that I’ve had it for nearly 6.000 years I can assssure you that I ‘had it firsssst’.” Crowley said back in a sly tone.
“Really, my dear. You needn’t hiss.” The supposed angel said with a sigh.
“Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me you’re actually that old?” Dean shot in.
That was when Sam managed to ask “Are you the Serpent of Eden?”
The two supernaturals stared at him. “Well, what do you know? We have a smart one.” Crowley said amused and Sam gaped.
The angel looked at Crowley and sighed “Really, my dear? Just how much have you been telling these boys?”
“Hey, I barely mentioned Eden. This kid’s smart!”
Aziraphale did not look impressed.
That was when Dean couldn’t take it anymore “Alright, am I the only one that is not getting why we are talking and not fighting or something? Or why there is an angel and a freaking demon standing in front of me having a conversation like they are a freaking married couple?!”
There was a short silence where the angel and the demon stared at the brothers and the brothers stared back.
Then the demon started laughing and the angel hid a smile looking over to his friend.
Dean and Sam just stared at them still, not getting what would get them to laugh at all. Sam was still shocked by the fact that he was actually looking at the Serpent of Eden but he was growing curious as to who the angel was. If the two of them had known each other for 6.000 years he had to have been in Eden as well but he couldn’t remember any angels mentioned in the text about Eden in the bible. There had been the one with the flaming sword that had guarded the gate to make sure no humans would go back in but this guy didn’t really look like he could hurt a fly. Then again, Castiel could look like a lost pup at times but looking at how destructive he could get.....
“Anyway” Crowley then said collecting himself. “I assume our dinner is getting cold and we should be off, eh, angel?”
“That’s one way of putting if, I guess.” The angel answered in return. He looked at the brothers in an almost apologetic way.
Then in the flap of wings they were gone.
There was silence in the room. Then Dean managed to say “Speaking of dinner...”